Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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