I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
