also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize