I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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