Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize