I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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