Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
