Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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