Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
