I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize