franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
