the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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