If i come over, it means nothing
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
