I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize