I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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