it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
