I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
