this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
