I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Enjoy the penises
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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