hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
