Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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