My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
