I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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