Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize