He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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