I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
