Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
