perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
