Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
