before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
