i permit you to call me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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