May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
