Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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