If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
