just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
