Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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