I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
