NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
