She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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