There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize