I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You smell like stripper and shame
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
