We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
