i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
