Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
