I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize