Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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