Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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