I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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