So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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