Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
