i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
