i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
