What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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