it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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