Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
there was a trapeze. enough said
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize