I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
