I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
