Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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