I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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