i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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