Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
