You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
