we're blogging at a bar
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
