i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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