one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
