I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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