I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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