He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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