this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
