No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize