So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
