There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
