Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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