what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize