She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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