i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
