eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
