Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
