I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
