Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
