I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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