Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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